I should start be stating that I know very little about the martial arts. From what I hear, it goes something like this:

  1. You bow in.
  2. You do all you can to avoid violence.
  3. Failing that, you unleash your ungodly wrath upon your enemy/attacker including, but not limited to, hand strikes, crescent kicks, elbow breaks, eye gouges, and so on.
  4. You unleash only the degree of wrath required to subdue your enemy/attacker.
  5. Perhaps you assist your enemy/attacker to his feet? Escort him to the nearest ER?
  6. You bow out?

Here’s the interesting thing, though. I have no fewer than 4 clients currently engaged in working their way through the system of karate or tae-kwon-do, ranging from a beginner’s yellow belt to a third-degree black belt. These clients range in age from 8 to almost sixty.

So, in the past few years, I have visited studios. I have had forms demonstrated in the makeshift dojo that is my office. And I have seen my clients perform feats I never thought them capable of. Breaking inch-thick wooden boards with bare hands. Learning the dance of a minute long form. Jumping gracefully through the air, ending with a powerful, graceful kick. Sparring against over-ranked rivals. Very impressive maneuvers.

How did anyone get them to do this stuff?

Well, to a person, each of my clients describes the sensei, or teacher, as tough, demanding, and critical. One woman told me that, if her class is practicing, say, a ridge-hand strike through inch-thick boards, her sensei is relentless.

“Do it again.”
“Do it again, but higher.”
“Do it again, but push through the board.”
“Good job.”

She told me she does not feel discouraged or humiliated by these displays, not at all. Rather, she sees each prodding statement as an indication that the sensei believes in her, and knows she can accomplish the task. Further, over the course of seven years, this has always been the case. Even when she was sure she could not, he knew she could. His faith in her has been infectious, and she always rises to the occasion.

My belted clients have also each told me that they trust their sensei implicitly. The studio is like a second home for them. They have made friends, competed, won and lost within the culture of the art.

And the teachings of the martial arts are character-building, self-esteem-building, skill-building. And ultimately empowering. I talked recently with a karate teacher, who told me quite earnestly that the martial arts serve as metaphor for life outside the studio, and that he teaches real-world skills as important as any school or on-the-job training. He is obviously deeply invested in the success of his students.

For their sake, not his own.

In this way. a sensei is akin to the ultimate available parent. He is both loving and demanding. He has high expectations of his charges, but serves as a patient teacher as well. And all of his interventions are couched in a context of love, affection and admiration. something that is understood by both teacher and student. This is why his interventions are effective, why students choose to stay in the class, work their hardest, move up the ranks, and heed his advice.

Given this context, student success is nearly a foregone conclusion. Imagine if we could duplicate this dynamic in families:

Parent as available sensei.