Yeah, you’ve probably envisioned the perfect morning. Cup of coffee out on the deck at sunrise, perhaps. Deep-breathing and yoga stretches? A gentle jog through the woods?

When you’re a parent, those ideal mornings tend to fall away for an hour or two that tends to be a bit more, say, chaotic. More like a shower running, egg frying, sandwich-making, backpack filling, teeth-brushing, paper signing kind of affair. Parents often report to me that there is nothing more frenetic, anxiety-provoking and crazy-making than a morning in their house.

Yet the morning is so important, and sets the tone for the day for many families. In my experience, parents often fail to pay enough attention to managing this time. I think most of us would agree that we would prefer that our childrens’ days begin with a sense of calm and structure. Yet, in so many of my client families, the mornings are marked by chaos and rushing around. The all-important breakfast is often skipped or given short shrift, and many important things are often forgotten.

In my experience, the more clarity and structure parents and families build around mornings, the better off they are. And in my opinion, planning healthy, calm mornings starts, curiously, by planning evenings. A clear, reasonable and unbending bedtime, for all (at least during the week) allows for plenty of rest and a good regimen for the mornings to follow. Wake-up times should be clear, and showers and bathroom time should be scheduled, especially in large families. This plan, though arduous at first, can prevent an awful lot of strife day-to-day. In the best circumstance, the family (or as many members as possible) would eat a healthy breakfast together, sitting down! This has become the most likely meal many families can spend together, so I strongly suggest they take advantage of the time. Most importantly, I would encourage parents and families to establish clear patterns for their mornings. As with so many things in life, structure provides for maximum satisfaction and minimum conflict.

I have honestly worked with families for whom these changes have made all the difference in their lives, and set a more positive, engaged tone to their days.