LET GO AND LOVE YOUR LIFE

Watch this video and read on to understand when to be LESS available as a parent, and how focusing on what makes you happy will model a happier, more fulfilling life for your child!
I bet like a lot of parents, you are tired. You are starting to feel older. You’re not taking care of yourself the way you know you should.

You are busier than you’ve ever been in your life. This parenting thing is consumptive. It occupies your time, your activities, and your mind nearly all of the time.

And you’re not even sure you’re parenting very well.

For many of us, parenting has become, by-and-large, a sideline activity. We sit in seats and stands. We watch our kids in plays, on fields, on courts, and in pools. We arrange and chaperone. We drive and wait. We schedule and monitor. We hire tutors and coaches. After all, parenting is the most important thing we will ever do.

So, we parent with all we’ve got.

But we cannot escape that nagging feeling that something is missing.

Something is missing. I preach “availability” in parenting, but sometimes, I find my meaning of the word can be misconstrued. We cannot be available to our child in the truest sense if we cannot even be available to our own lives. Trust me, this is 100% truth.

couple-kayakingBy way of explanation, think about the course of your parenting. In all likelihood, you were active and vital before you had children. And since the day your first was born, you have subconsciously agreed to table your own life, to a large extent, to spend the vast majority of your time raising your children, just for this couple of decades.

So, in the name of good parenting, you have put aside the running shoes, or the guitar, or the fun nights out with valued friends. You have perhaps accepted mediocrity at work, and not made your intimate relationship much of a priority, all under the banner of good parenting, all with the understanding that you will get to it later.

At its core, the problem here is that, despite all appearances to the contrary, this is not good parenting. Yes, you are getting your child where she needs to be, and ensuring she gets her homework done, and so on. You are crossing the parental t’s and dotting the parental i’s.

But there is a fundamental component of life, and in fact of parenting, that you are ignoring, right? You are beginning to see that it is critically important that you live your own life while raising your children. You need to take great care of yourself. You need to maintain your hobbies and joys. You need to tend to your adult relationships. You need to follow your dreams with vigor.

Because parents can do all the right things, follow all the parenting rules in all the parenting books (my own included), and still fail one of the most impactful and lasting elements of parenting. We parents are models for our children, the primary models, in fact, in their lives.

So it is incumbent upon us to show our children, not just tell them, how to live vital, engaged, joyful, loving, connected lives. Nowhere is it more true that actions speak louder than words.

That something that’s missing? It’s you. And your life. Now is the time to get back to it.

So here are the steps I want you to follow, nice and easy, to begin your journey toward re-claiming your life, and role-modeling the fulfilling, vital, authentic existence you want for your children:
  1. The first thing I want you to do, today, is begin to pursue a hobby or passion that you have put off, something that will make you personally feel happier and more fulfilled. It may involve exercise, or music, or acting, or perhaps a sport or a club. Get back to it, or discover it anew.
  2. We know you need to view your life as a priority again, so you need to protect time for this activity. And I use this phrase literally. Protect time on your calendar, and hold it as sacred as a work meeting or a school play.
  3. The next step is to take away some sedentary or depressive element of your life, as this is negative modeling. So, plan to watch an hour less television a day, or table your smart phone after 7 pm, or eat a healthier diet.
  4. Make your changes immediately. Do not wait!

The payoff for these interventions in your life are, once again, two-fold. You are more vital and energized, and have more juice for parenting effectively, vigorously and joyfully. And that alone is worth the change.

You are also modeling for your child the life you want him to enjoy, now as a teenager, and later as an adult. Show him how awesome and fulfilling his life can be by living an awesome and fulfilling life.

Sometimes we do our best parenting when we’re not really parenting at all.

So, share your success stories below. What was the new hobby you picked up, or the old one you brushed off? How many miles did you run this week? How many laps did you swim? Hey, I know, send me a video! Play me a song. Paint me a picture. Walk me through your workout. What has it been like to look up from that iPhone for an hour a day? And I want to know if this was a tough step for you to take, or was it easy, simple and organic?

And if you see any differences in your child based on the changes you make in your life, I want to know that too.

This is just the beginning of our work together. Let me know how things are going for you, and what other issues you’d like to discuss. And stay tuned. I will be in touch soon with more tips, thoughts and ideas for you.

Let’s figure this out together!

Warmly,
John