I’ve been fielding a lot of questions lately from parents concerned about sibling rivalry amongst their teens and tweens.
So, here are a few notes on sibling strife:

– Blatant favoritism by a parent drives a lot of sibling strife. It is critical that parents show positive regard to all siblings. This is most difficult when siblings are involved in similar activities (e.g. they are all swimmers, or all play the viola) than it is when they are involved in different activities.

– Siblings often work out their difficulties amongst themselves. I tend to encourage parents to step out and let their children problem-solve a bit. It may go better than you think in the end. I would only intervene, in fact, at times of either crisis or impending violence between the sibs.To circumvent the favoritism issue, parents would do well to protect time for each chid. I work with one family with 5 children. Each month, both Mom and Dad protect a day for each child, a parent-child date. This is protected, sacred time to show your child how he or she as an individual is special to you as a parent.

– It is important, especially as they approach the tween and teen years, that siblings have physical and emotional space separate and apart from one another. Parents should also model respect for privacy.